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Our ability to accessorize…

by Brenda Dayne on September 2, 2010

Apparently this is what separates us from the lower life forms. If true it begs the question: Is the life form responsible for these “accessories” an inhabitant of our planet?

Sadly, no answers are forthcoming from CoOperative Designs where these beauties feature prominently, albeit namelessly, in their Spring/Summer 2010 Collection. As to their lack of specific nomenclature, no surprises there. I don’t know what to call them either. Leg warmers? Leg Coolers? I have no idea.

Who can wear these leg… thingies? Well, knitsibs, let’s be frank. These whatsits are for the young people. The appropriate age range and thigh girth required to wear these… whatevers both fall within a certain band, and that band is most decidedly narrow. Cute-as-a-button Suzie, over at over at Style Bubble, where I found these leg whozits, is certainly rocking the look. The strappy sandals she chose are just perfect. Personally, I think they’re a really tough sell on anyone over twenty-five, but I don’t mean to be prescriptive. If you can picture yourself wearing them, and the words “mutton” and “lamb” do not appear in your self description then, I suppose, you should go for it.

The real question isn’t, of course, whether or not you can wear them, but how would you knit them? That was my second thought when I first saw them. (My first being, “Ewww.”) I have to admit I find the prospect of figuring out a pattern for them somewhat intriguing. They should be ridiculously easy to knock off, if one had a mind to. Where would you start? At the top of the thigh? Or would these be a toe-up item? Would you knit all the motifs first and then join them with I-cord? Or would crochet chains be easier? And how about those knee pad/shin guard jobbies that roll in at the sides? Come on. We can do better than that, surely. A two stitch garter selvage ought to tidy those up. Or, better yet, knit the flat bits in moss stitch, and avoid the baggy knees that we all know will become an issue about an hour after you don these… Okay, I am tired of not having a name for them here. What the hell should we call them? Wait. I know.

If these Leg Whackadoodles were ever to become this season’s Must Knit item, I’d undoubtedly knit them. I hate to admit it, style maven that I am, but I am susceptible to both knitting and fashion trends. (I knit a poncho once, for pity’s sake. ‘Nuff said?) Though am well past the wearing of such an accessory in public, they might come in handy when Tonia and I play “Princess and her Slave”. I seriously doubt, however, that I could get Tonia to wear them.

PS: Thank you, knitsibs, from the bottom of my heart, for your kind messages of support these past few days. You have helped more than I can say.

1 Chloe September 2, 2010 at 9:51 am

They… are… what? They what?
Unhelpful comments aside, I think they’d be nice in a different colour. Pale pink or a tasteful grey, maybe.

2 DebbieQ September 2, 2010 at 10:18 am

Well I am just not sure what to say about these things. My first thought was, “Of for the love of Peter, Paul and Mary now I have seen everything!” Then I got to wondering if you can even sit down when you have those lovelies on and if you did would they be all stretchy and baggy when you stood back up. Ever the practical person am I.

3 Tabitha September 2, 2010 at 12:22 pm

Ahhahahahahah! They are too funny! I dub thee Thunderdome Chaps for Women, Tina Turner Style! Two people enter, one person will die laughing their a** off at the rock’n style these babies will bring the winner!

4 Felix September 2, 2010 at 12:38 pm

This is too funny.

I love the idea that these ‘are for the young people,’ and you are right that the knees would instantly begin to sag with that totally unstructured stocking stitch patch thing going on.

I personally think the whackadoodles would look great paired with a knitted gimp mask; the problem would be what to wear on the rest of the self. Perhaps nothing at all?

http://www.regretsy.com/2010/08/05/m-knit-shyamalan/

5 BeckyinVT September 2, 2010 at 1:06 pm

Definitely knitted gladiatorial wear. It’s like people who knit a “chainmail” coif for a halloween costume because the real thing is too expensive and to heavy anyway. These will give your halloween gladiator costume the look you want from afar, without the pain of wearing actual plates of metal on your legs.

6 Angeline September 2, 2010 at 1:40 pm

Somebody had WAY too much time on their hands. In fairness though, at least they have lightened the mood somewhat, nothing like a bit of laughter for healing.

7 Kathleen September 2, 2010 at 2:36 pm

These are from the same minds that bring us Halloween costumes for cats.

Love the “mutton” and “lamb” comment, Brenda. 😉

8 Sarah September 2, 2010 at 2:58 pm

Oh Brenda, you are FAR trendier than you know. Because DragonCon begins tomorrow, when 30,000 costumed sci-fi and fantasy enthusiasts converge on downtown Atlanta. These Leg Whackadoodles (which look like they are actually attached legs to a set of knickers, in the photo) are much more appropriate to the weather than Doctor Who’s scarf. A place and time when looking like one comes from another planet is a Good Thing. And DC-ers don’t really care if they have legs that resemble the model’s…

9 martha in mobile September 2, 2010 at 3:37 pm

These call for that most Southern of quasi-polite expressions, i.e., “You made those yourself? Bless your heart!”

10 Shannon B September 2, 2010 at 5:32 pm

I think they’re meant to be a sort of postmodern take on greaves?

I am mutton. I’d need two for each leg – there are circumference issues.

11 Marg in Mirror, AB, Canada September 2, 2010 at 5:43 pm

Just think…if someone has spent an inordinate amount of time thinking up a pattern, and then making said pattern by hand and then finding a model (or modelling it herself) and photgraphing the results, and posting the photo…well! If we knitters all followed suit, could world peace be hard to achieve?! 😉

P.S. I doubt the pattern is ‘toe-up’ because…these..um…stockings…are toe-less!

12 Claireej September 2, 2010 at 6:24 pm

Those things remind me of “calipers”. The things they used to use years ago for Polio victims..weird.

Just read about your pooch, so sorry to read such sad news. many hugs.

13 Audrey September 2, 2010 at 11:13 pm

To me they look like an accessory that could have been used on Star Trek the Next Generation to make a character look like it was from another planet. Sometimes, I think it’s good to see humour in knitting. Goodness knows I’ve knit a few things in the past that would qualify as UPOKs (unidentified pieces of knitwear). I would call this piece “coasters and cheese graters”… it’s a work of wearable art! Very avant-garde 🙂

14 Anna September 3, 2010 at 1:45 am

Speaking as a younger, slightly under 25, person, unless it’s a costume piece, I don’t think younger people should be wearing those either. They look like they could be part of Leia’s outfit in “Return of the Jedi” if she’d been on a non-desert planet.

15 Jaimee September 3, 2010 at 3:49 am

I think these are… um…what am I thinking… yes, I think they are stupid and weird, at the same time. But entertaining!

I’m sorry to hear of the loss of Ruby. Wishing you and Tonia all the best and sending good thoughts your way.

16 Kristi September 3, 2010 at 9:27 pm

LMAO… this right here is one of the many reasons I love you Brenda! Reading this I was confused at first, not sure where you were going with it, I was scared that you liked them. But then as I read carefully on, still nervous that you thought they were great, I was very much relieved that I could poke fun at them right along with you… their, Hmm… delightfully wretched. But I have a hunch they would be a great hit here in town! (Salem, MA…a gothic/witch town) Ahh… thanks I needed that laugh, waiting for hurricane Earl has me a bit on edge – but that was awesome!

17 Sara September 4, 2010 at 12:09 am

Oh my.

’nuff said.

18 ginni fleck September 7, 2010 at 11:19 am

actually, these reminded me of the brace I used to wear when i tore my ACL in my knee. I got to thinking that if I were wearing a cast, I think this would look kind of spiffy, dressing up one of those white plaster casts. I say, let’s knit things to spiffy up those nasty plaster casts folks end up wearing after a break – arm, elbow, wrist, knee…why not? Why not dress up something oversized and not just to fit a model size 0? 🙂

19 EL September 7, 2010 at 11:14 pm

Actually, some of the other knitwear at the CoOperative Designs website is pretty cool, very graphic. Thanks for the link!

20 Pamela September 10, 2010 at 5:52 pm

LOVE your podcast. I found it totally by accident, but have fallen in love with it. Your voice is relaxing and the topics interesting.

Cannot wait until you start up again.

21 Matdredalia September 15, 2010 at 2:54 pm

I only have two words for this:

The hell!?!?

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