Drawing in

Last Monday I finally saw a doctor regarding my shoulder. Actually, I saw a doctor for a number of reasons, none of which had anything to do with my shoulder. While there I casually mentioned that my shoulder had been hurty for the past two years. Whilst I have seen my doctor quite regularly during all that time, I never bothered to mention my shoulder until last week. Why did it take me so long? I don’t know. I suppose I thought if I ignored it, eventually it would just go away. Anyway, the doc asked me to get to my feet and pulled my arm this way and that, and then issued this diagnosis: a partially frozen shoulder. This is actually good news.

I had heard the term “frozen shoulder” before, but assumed it meant a shoulder frozen or locked into one position. Since my arm was capable of some movement, I never thought the term applied to me. Now, knowing it does means I have a whole new thing to research, and that’s what I’ve been doing this week.

It didn’t take a lot of Googling to discover Trigger Point massage. This is a technique I can use myself, in the relative quiet of my own home and one which apparently works more quickly than more traditional therapeutic routes. Which is good because I don’t think the “traditional route” will be open to me for a long time yet. Last week a letter arrived from the hospital telling me that when I get another letter, I can call and they will give me an appointment in another month. So it could be months before I see a specialist, let alone get any actual physical therapy which, according to what I’ve read, isn’t all that effective when it comes to frozen shoulders.

So. I ordered the book and the ball and the cane, and I waited anxiously for their arrival and, finally, on Friday they came. And now I’m on day four of my Trigger Point routine which, although somewhat painful to implement, actually seems to be working. Really. I have less pain in my shoulder than I did four days ago. Truly. It’s early days yet, of course, but I am feeling empowered and optimistic about my recovery. I love being in the driver’s seat of my own health care. Don’t ask why it took me so long to grab the wheel. I really don’t know.

Oddly, as the pain in my shoulder decreases, I now seem to be hurty everywhere else. The pain isn’t new, however. It’s probably been with me for a while. It’s just that my shoulder has been screaming so loudly for so long, I couldn’t hear anything else. The decrease in shoulder pain has made me more aware of the rest of my body. It’s also made me realize how much of myself I’ve lost, albeit slowly, over the two years I’ve been dealing with this pain.

It’s not rocket surgery. Pain limits movement, your body draws in on itself, you begin to do less and less, and your world gets smaller, so your muscles shorten and your body draws in. It’s a self perpetuating cycle, that usually happens so slowly you don’t even notice, until it’s too late, and then all you can do is look back at what you’ve lost.

Which brings me to this week’s Multi Media Monday video, People in Order. I’ve watched this little film many, many times, and it never fails to make me smile, and seems to teach me something new about the human condition every time I watch it. As I near the half century mark myself, it will probably come as no surprise that I pay particular attention to the last half of this film. In fact, I am fascinated by the last 25 or so people in this video, because among them I see evidence of drawing in, but also evidence that the last decades of one’s life can be robust ones. I don’t know about you, but I find the prospect of a robust latter life quite appealing.

All of this to say that there may be a point in midlife where one decides to make some changes and perhaps pay more attention to things like wellness and diet and exercise. Because the alternative – drawing in and the diminished little world that brings with it – really sucks. And if there is a point in life where one does that, I think I’ve reached it.